The Failed Chance

It still hasn't hit me. Last night was so close to perfect. We finally saw each other after so many weeks. All the texts and emotions came to the surface and full force. Feelings were declared. Guards were let down. It was hard for me to put myself out there but I did because I trusted you. You're different. A mystery that I'll love to explore and learn from. You tickled me, found my weak spot and said that you won't hurt me. In less than two hours you did. I became vulnerable but I felt it was a right choice. Terrible mistake. If you like someone so much, care for them even more, the past does not matter. You condescend yourself in such a way that it seems like you hate yourself. You stopped something that didn't even have a chance to start. So much potential. So many dreams. Halted to a stop. My drowsiness made it seem like it was all a dream but then you kissed me and I finally felt the sensational feeling that I haven't felt in so long. So strong that I wanted to stay the night. Holding your hand while you gently caress my face and hold me. While you give me that look that meant so much. I saw the potential. You don't see the potential in yourself. It hurts me that you so scared and scarred by the past that you can't even start in the present with me. It hurts me more to see you feel so bad about yourself. To feel worthless. I'm tired of the excuses. I'm tired of the "you deserve better" though they seem sincere. I am not perfect. I want you. I fell for you for a reason. I want to be with you. Confused emotions. Awkward moments to come. Tears shed. Thinking about the words to clearly describe my feelings but I've failed. When I find them, I want to tell them to you.