A Work In Progress

How you guys doing ? I'm okay. Just wanted to recap on my life lol. Feel like writing and I haven't in a while so ...yeah lol. I feel stressed and overwhelmed sometimes with school. Not really the work ( well, sometimes ) but time management and money management especially. I went to the mall near my school on Saturday and Walmart yesterday and spent over $300 in two days. I just got the money. Less than a week ago. No bueno. I need to work on that. I'm trying to schedule my time efficiently. It's a work in progress. I don't regret anything I bought though.

On the other hand, I have been eating horrible. Making bad eating choices because everything is here. I worry about my weight constantly. I walk a lot but I know that's not enough. I try to eat once or twice a day ( my meal plan is another part of my money management ) and I get headaches often. I fit in my clothes fine. I need to find a way to work out. I try to try to keep the horrible self-esteem voices in my head in the back of it. And I'm breaking out more enough then anytime in my whole life. Well not breaking out but my face has a weird texture to it and the occasional pimples leave horrible acne marks. I'm currently on a search to find sometimes that will relieve the dark marks. When I go home, I need to go to my dermatologist.

Lastly, me and him are better. We talk everyday on the phone but when we see each other, it's still awkward. I don't know what he thinks or wants. I'm afraid to ask. Afraid of the answers I will get so I will just leave things how they are. One day, I'll ask. My feelings are still masked. Well I hope. I often wear my heart on my sleeve. He's the "Do whatever you want. I'm not gonna ask you to stay or go" type of the attitude so that makes me confused. I wish things were back to how it was in the summer. Another work in the progress.

A New Beginning to My Personal Blog

So I've decided to use this blog for more personal things because too many people I know have my Tumblr and I want to express my way that I won't be judged. I also what to be able to look back on this blog years from now and see how I have changed. This blog was initially supposed to be a fashion blog but I have not gotten a camera. It's a shame. But I feel like when I get around to getting it, I will make this a fashion bog also.

For now, this will be a place where I can vent to myself about life. A lot has happened to me and I need to release this stress somewhere. My name is Shantel if you haven't learned already. I am 17 years old and live an interesting life. I had my first real boyfriend last year and fell in love. We have been through a lot and he did hurt me but somehow gravity always brings us back to each other. I just came back from my summer program at the college I will be going to in the fall but before that we decided to end things because of distance. He even got a new girlfriend but now he is saying that us ending was a mistake. I was finally over him and now this. I don't know what to think or what to do. I want to give us another chance but I don't want to get hurt again. I'm so scared but I still love him. But not in love with him. If we get back together, who knows when he will change his mind again and want to break up. I hate being vulnerable. Especially to him. He is my weakness.

I also did meet another guy at my summer program and I like him a lot. I feel like I should give him a chance. Maybe he is the one but I will never know if I get back together with my ex. Me and this guy even started texting but my phone is off now so I'm afraid he thinks that I just started to ignore him. That's a bad start to a new friendship and potential relationship.

There is also another guy that I've know since I was small. I gave him numerous chances and he failed every time. He just wants my body and I've decided to move on. All the signs were there but being the optimist I am, I always believe that there's always some good in people. No matter how bad they seem and show on the outside. But his chances are over and I'm proud of myself for finally moving on.

I hope you don't think I'm a slut or something lol. I've learned a lot about myself this past year and is still learning a lot about life. I just want to help others with their problems by reading about mine.

On a brighter note, my cousin's wedding is on Sunday and I am so excited !! Finally hope in the male species lol.